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They're looking to be married - spouses.

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This is what I say:

3
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Look for someone who is an example

4
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of a young believer.

5
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A good example.

6
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Typically, I think perfection takes over.

7
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It might go kind of like this:

8
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The ladies looking for perfection

9
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in a young guy -

10
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they want someone who 
has the faith of Abraham,

11
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a heart like David,

12
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a mind like the Apostle Paul,

13
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the patience of Job,

14
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the courage of Caleb,

15
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leadership qualities like Moses,

16
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the wisdom of Solomon,

17
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and last but not least,

18
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they want a physique like Samson.

19
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And a lot of you guys are 
going to get knocked out

20
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with that last one.

21
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You better hit the gym.

22
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And the guys

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whenever they're looking 
for the perfect spouse,

24
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they want a Proverbs 31 woman on steriods.

25
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They want the submission of Sarah.

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I mean, what guy doesn't want a wife

27
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that calls him "lord."

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They want the intelligence of Abigail,

29
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and then on top of all of that,

30
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they want one that is so beautiful,

31
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you've got to lie to 
keep from getting killed.

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Now, you know I'm just 
being funny right there

33
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in an odd sort of a way,

34
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but my point is rather than

35
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having all this perfection

36
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that no one lives up to,

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look for someone who is an example

38
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of a believer.

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My wife and I have been married 40 years

40
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just this year.

41
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And I can tell you for sure,

42
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she's not perfect.

43
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And neither am I.

44
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There's no perfection in 
our marriage that way.

45
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She's closer than I am.

46
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And I tease her - I tell her

47
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she's almost done with 
her probationary period,

48
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and she better just keep 
right on towing the line.

49
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But the reason I say 
that is there's grace.

50
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We're still married because there's grace.

51
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Neither one of us being perfect.

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Be an example. Look for an example.

53
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And how is that example displayed?

54
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Well, we've got them listed 
right here in this verse.

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Speech.

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If you find a young man or a young woman

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that is gracious in their speech,

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controlled in their speech,

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you've found something.

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Because that is so rare,

61
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so hard to accomplish.

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Speech.

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Paul told Titus: sound in speech,

64
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above reproach so that the opponent

65
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will be put to shame

66
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having nothing bad to say about us.

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That is you won't be able to say

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anything bad about the bad things we say.

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Our speech.

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And then he lists conduct here.

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Speech and conduct.

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I'm in v. 12.

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Conduct.

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It's all over the news:

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public misconduct.

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This guy is being accused of misconduct

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or that one - in high places.

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Misconduct.

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But here it is, our conduct on display.

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Proverbs 20:11: It is by his deeds

81
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that a young man distinguishes himself

82
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if his conduct is pure and right.

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See, these are good qualifications

84
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for a spouse.

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Find someone who's 
controlled in their speech

86
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and in their conduct in the same way

87
00:04:05,514 --> 00:04:07,491
and you find something.

88
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There's all kinds of unwholesome 
speech out there,

89
00:04:10,978 --> 00:04:12,135
course jesting,

90
00:04:12,135 --> 00:04:14,017
things that ought not to be mentioned -

91
00:04:14,017 --> 00:04:16,895
those are phrases in the Bible

92
00:04:16,895 --> 00:04:20,388
that are spoken of in a negative way.

93
00:04:20,388 --> 00:04:24,406
There are phrases of 
exclamation that I see

94
00:04:24,406 --> 00:04:27,583
and it's a personal pet peeve of my own -

95
00:04:27,583 --> 00:04:30,248
phrases of exclamation that people use

96
00:04:30,248 --> 00:04:32,419
that it seems like they try to get

97
00:04:32,419 --> 00:04:34,344
as close to the profanity of the world

98
00:04:34,344 --> 00:04:36,983
as they can without it happening,

99
00:04:36,983 --> 00:04:39,814
and I say that's unwholesome.

100
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It ought not to be.

101
00:04:41,702 --> 00:04:45,092
Find someone who's speech is upright

102
00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:48,109
and their conduct is upright.

103
00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:49,837
Paul told the Ephesians

104
00:04:49,837 --> 00:04:53,160
in Ephesians 5:15,

105
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,503
he said, "be careful how you walk,

106
00:04:57,503 --> 00:05:01,011
not as unwise men, but as wise."

107
00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:03,203
There's a conduct, in my opinion,

108
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that is inconsistent

109
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:08,226
with a wise and a careful walk.

110
00:05:08,226 --> 00:05:11,466
Now, I realize, and you do as well,

111
00:05:11,466 --> 00:05:14,339
that there are a lot of grey areas

112
00:05:14,339 --> 00:05:16,646
in the Christian experience.

113
00:05:16,646 --> 00:05:20,594
There's a lot spoken about 
Christian liberty these days.

114
00:05:20,594 --> 00:05:23,664
And someone might say what about this?

115
00:05:23,664 --> 00:05:24,951
Or what about that?

116
00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,510
Whenever you're considering 
Christian liberty.

117
00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:31,556
And isn't this a grey area?

118
00:05:31,556 --> 00:05:35,511
I would say there are a lot of things

119
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that I don't have a verse

120
00:05:38,396 --> 00:05:42,979
that speaks directly to it.

121
00:05:42,979 --> 00:05:45,918
Most of those things, there's a principle

122
00:05:45,918 --> 00:05:47,472
that covers it.

123
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,628
Sometimes there isn't.

124
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Sometimes it boils down 
to this right here:

125
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I tell someone I wouldn't do that

126
00:05:55,192 --> 00:05:57,121
if I were you because I don't think

127
00:05:57,121 --> 00:06:01,339
it's consistent with a 
wise and a careful walk.

128
00:06:01,339 --> 00:06:06,188
Ephesians 5:15.

129
00:06:06,188 --> 00:06:11,002
So, conduct.

130
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Speech and conduct.

131
00:06:13,402 --> 00:06:14,991
Then he speaks about love.

132
00:06:14,991 --> 00:06:15,879
Love to God.

133
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Love to the brethren.

134
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If you love God, you'll love the brethren.

135
00:06:20,544 --> 00:06:23,093
It's inescapable.

136
00:06:23,093 --> 00:06:25,309
Faith.

137
00:06:25,309 --> 00:06:29,478
I define faith as being confident in God.

138
00:06:29,478 --> 00:06:33,479
It's a simple definition, but it fits.

139
00:06:33,479 --> 00:06:35,591
Confidence in God

140
00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:38,271
in my definition is faith.

141
00:06:38,271 --> 00:06:43,113
Find someone who is confident in God,

142
00:06:43,113 --> 00:06:45,079
has faith in God,

143
00:06:45,079 --> 00:06:48,141
who loves God, loves the brethren,

144
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,826
and their speech and 
their conduct are right.

145
00:06:50,826 --> 00:06:55,109
That person is making obvious progress.

146
00:06:55,109 --> 00:06:57,790
He speaks about purity.

147
00:06:57,790 --> 00:07:01,735
Being unpolluted and undefiled.

148
00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:05,060
I believe that to be scruples

149
00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:09,538
regarding things moral.

150
00:07:09,538 --> 00:07:11,948
Pure motives.

151
00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:13,997
So, whenever you look at a list like this,

152
00:07:13,997 --> 00:07:15,659
let me see - there's five of them.

153
00:07:15,659 --> 00:07:18,612
Speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.

154
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:21,171
Be an example in those things.

155
00:07:21,171 --> 00:07:23,257
If you were to find a young person

156
00:07:23,257 --> 00:07:26,075
that was being an example 
in all of these ways

157
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listed right here in this verse,

158
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you might say that person is mature.

159
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There's a level of maturity there

160
00:07:34,211 --> 00:07:35,604
beyond their years.

161
00:07:35,604 --> 00:07:38,359
You know that does happen.

162
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Sometimes you meet someone

163
00:07:39,953 --> 00:07:43,559
and you say this is an 
exceptional individual

164
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beyond expectations.

165
00:07:45,847 --> 00:07:50,173
There are achievements 
made by young people.

166
00:07:50,173 --> 00:07:52,857
In my studies, I discovered that Napoleon

167
00:07:52,857 --> 00:07:55,279
led the army, he commanded 
the army of Italy

168
00:07:55,279 --> 00:07:57,545
when he was 25 years old.

169
00:07:57,545 --> 00:08:01,924
Achievements do happen to young people.

170
00:08:01,924 --> 00:08:03,769
In the realm of Christian living

171
00:08:03,769 --> 00:08:08,732
and Christian walk,

172
00:08:08,732 --> 00:08:12,023
there are those who are exceptionally

173
00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:14,255
mature for their age.

174
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A recommended young man.

175
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An exceptional young lady.

176
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Humble, gentle, controlled,

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disciplined, dignified.

178
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Those are the things we 
should be looking for

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rather than perfections in any other way.

180
00:08:28,516 --> 00:08:31,890
But those ways right there

181
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,733
indicate someone who's going to be

182
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making obvious progress 
in the Christian faith, v. 12.

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Next, verse 13.