Title: Recovering Biblical Womanhood
Meta: Young women are to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. - Titus 2:4-5  
Tags: paul,washer,womanhood,wife,titus,husband,marriage,family,submit,feminine

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Okay, we’ll talk about wives, grandmothers and grandparents.

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The first thing that we need to understand is:

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if there’s two things that we could say about our society

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(and here I think the United States and Canada are pretty much familiar)

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is we are a culture that hates children.

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Four thousand, in my country, a day are aborted.

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They’re starting to build even restaurants that are "child free".

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Resorts that are child free.

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Condominiums child free.

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Don’t want any of those "children" around.

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And we’re also a society that hates women.

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Now you might say, “Yeah, those male chauvinists, they hate women.”  No.

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Women hate women.

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The people who hate women more than anybody else on this planet are feminists.

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They hate women. They want women to be men. They don’t want them to be women.

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And any woman who says, “I believe that it is my desire to be in my home,

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to raise godly children,

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to support my husband in the endeavors that he has to go through in order to provide for our family,”

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any woman who does that is considered a failure

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in our society. She is looked down upon.

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And I know that from personal experience. I know the things that my wife has suffered.

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The things that people have said because...

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they say, “Why don’t you help your husband?”

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And she says, “Well, I do.”  “No, why don’t you get a job.

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I mean, as a minister he doesn’t make that much money. You could provide other things. You could…” What? (P)

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Now, we’re going to look at a few things that are very, very important.

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First of all, if we go to Genesis 1:27

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it says, "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him,

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male and female He created them."

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So, we see here that both man and woman were created in the image of God

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and both of them have an equal standing before God.

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The roles that they play in the marriage has nothing to do with a lack of equality.

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When we will get to the point where it says that the man is the head of his home

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and a wife is to live in submission to her husband, it does not mean that the wife

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is less than her husband. It does not mean that. If you think it does, than guess what?

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You’ve just destroyed the Trinity.

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Because, did not the Son submit to His Father?

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So did that make the Son less than His Father? If you say “yes”, than you have just committed heresy.

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Within the Trinity itself,

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the Son submitted to His Father and yet the Bible says the Son and Father are One and They are equal.

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So, my wife and I, we are one and we are equal, we function in different roles.

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Okay?

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Now today, everyone says, “No, you’ve got to have the same roles or you’re not equal”.

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That’s why there’s this push by feminists

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(and they’ve won the day to be honest with you, they’ve won the day)

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that women ought to be fighting on the front lines.

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That women ought to be doing what men do in everything and if you deny women that,

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then you’re not treating them as equal.

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No, what you’re doing is you’re denying that men and women are different

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and that they were made different by a Creator God.

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We are different and we were created for different roles.

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But we are equal, we were all made in the image of God. (P)

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“God blessed them”, in verse 28, “and said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.”

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That 'subdue the earth' was also given to the woman.

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But there is a different role in subduing the earth.

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Now, I want to just...

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for just a moment I want you to think, before we get to the idea of a women submitting to her husband,

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I want you to just think about something. And this men, this is also for you.

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Let’s say that there is a woman who looks at the biblical command of a woman submitting to her husband;

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and then she looks over at her husband.

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He’s a guy who works all the time;

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but he works all the time, not necessarily to provide for his family. He works all the time

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and then he’s with his buddies, and then he’s getting all kinds of things for his hobbies,

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and he’s all about what he likes to do.

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And in doing all the things he likes to do with all his buddies, he’s basically neglecting his wife and his children.

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And a woman looks over at that and says to herself,

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“I’ve got to submit to that? To a selfish boy, who basically lives for himself?”

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That can really make a woman bitter.

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But if a woman looks over and sees a man

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and imprinted upon his face is:

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“Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.”

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She can look at him and she can still become embittered. Why?

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Because he can say that and basically say the same thing.

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“I’ve got to neglect you and our children because I’m all about the Kingdom of Heaven.”

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How many pastor’s wives have become embittered

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because the husband has sacrificed his family for Jesus' sake?

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Okay. And that’s amazing because Romans 12:2 says that the will of God is perfect,

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and what it means is this:

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you don’t have to disobey some of God’s commands in order to obey the other ones.

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So, you don’t have to disobey what God commanded you to do

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with your wife and children in order to obey Him in what He commanded you to do in the ministry. (P)

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But if a woman looks over and sees a man,

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and the man is “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, hallowed be Thy Name”;

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and he begins to live that out within his closest relationships;

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that he strives that “the Kingdom come” in his wife

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in fullness of joy;

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and he strives that the Kingdom come into his children;

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and the woman sees that he sacrifices friends, hobbies,

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everything else for the sake of blessing his family,

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then a woman looks at a man like that and goes, with a twinkle in her eye, “Yea,

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yea I can follow a guy like that.

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Who is selflessly giving himself away to his family. Sure.”

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Do you see, men, again the responsibility of leadership?

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You say, “Well, you’re talking about us again. We wanted you to yell at our wives for a while.”

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But see, again, if you’re going to be… you know this. Some of you men are over other men.

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You have jobs that place you over other men.

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If those men that are under you mess up, the boss doesn’t go talk to them, does he?

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He talks to you. Your men messed up. They are under your authority.

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Do you see? It’s the same way.

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And so, you know, this is something that is extremely important. (P)

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Now, we get to Genesis 2:23 and He says,

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“And man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

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She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.”

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Now, even though I believe that there is a way in which I think we can say

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that our children are of our flesh.

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If we want to be purest in the biblical language, we have to recognize

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man and woman, husband and wife, are one flesh

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in a deeper way than you could ever think about children.

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I am not of one flesh, as it says here, with my children.

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I am one flesh with my wife.

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Now, someone can think

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that they’ve been a wonderful mother even though they’ve been a failure as a wife-

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and that’s not true.

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If you’ve been a failure as a wife, you’ve been a failure as a mother.

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Now, I have a friend in Peru, who is very bold, who on Mother’s Day, that’s what he preached.

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He said he was bold, I said he was crazy.

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But the greatest thing that my wife can do for her children,

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is to love her husband and respect him.

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Why should children respect their father

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when they see the mother doesn’t even respect the father?

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Now, so we’re one flesh.

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It’s the highest and most important relationship.

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And I am not a good father if I jump over the mother

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and dedicate myself to the children, which is very easy to do. (P)

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Now men, one of the things that again is very important, is often times,

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as men, we’re usually a bit more independent-

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and some of us, very independent.

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And so we think, “I’m handling my spiritual life, I’m an adult.

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My wife ought to handle her spiritual life too.”

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Well, even though your wife may be very godly, she was not created for that.

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She is a woman who can grow before the Lord in her own right without us. That is true.

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But she was also made to grow with us

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and under our guidance and under our example.

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And when we neglect that, we are neglecting something that’s very, very important.

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The fact that men and women were made by God to be different.

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Now, why did he make us this way?

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Because marriage is not ultimately about marriage.

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Marriage is ultimately about us representing the relationship between Christ and the church.

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Can the church grow independently of Christ?

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No.

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Women were created to grow with their husbands,

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with the help of their husbands, under the tutelage of their husbands.

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That does not mean he lords it over her or he knows more than her,

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but she was made just for that reason.

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You leave her alone, or think that she’s strong and can make it on her own, which is often times my sin,

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and you’re going to mess up the whole thing of what God is wanting to do. Okay. (P)

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Now, we go on and, let’s go ahead now and let’s go to Ephesians 5:22.

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Well let’s go to verse 21, “And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

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So believers are to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

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“Wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord.”

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Now, a lot of people will look at this and say, “Oh,

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what he’s really talking about, because of verse 21, is that there ought to be a mutual submission.”

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And by saying that, they cancel out submission all together.

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If there’s mutual submission, then what do you do when there’s a disagreement?

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And how can there be headship and leadership in mutual submission?

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What you need to understand is that Paul is laying out something for us that’s very important.

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In verse 21, he’s talking about believers, that there should be a sense of mutual submission.

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For example: if I come to you

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and show you with the Scriptures something that’s wrong in your life, you need to submit to it.

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And if 3 weeks later, you come to me and show me something that’s wrong in my life, what should I do?

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Should I say, “Well, I’m an elder and I don’t have to submit to you”? Absolutely not.

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You can show me in Scripture. There is mutual submission. Do you see that?

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Iron sharpening iron, brother sharpening brother, sister- sister, that’s very important.

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So in the church there is mutual submission. Then he comes to marriage,

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and he says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands.”

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Then he comes to the children in 6:1 and he says, “Children, obey your parents.”

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And then he’s going to go on and he’s going to talk about slaves,

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which in our terminology would be employees, submit to your employer.

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And so he’s telling us something of the way we should function in society.

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That in the body we should submit to one another.

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When we go to 1 Peter we also learn that we ought to submit to our elders when they’re functioning

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according to the Scriptures and can show us with the Scriptures.

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We learn from Romans 13 that we ought to submit to the government.

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We ought to pay taxes and things like that.

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Well, here we’re learning that in the context of the family,

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“Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” You do it for the sake of the Lord. (P)

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Now, let me just show you a practical way in which this works.

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Let’s say that a big decision has to be made in our family;

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and I look at that big decision. I don’t just make that decision

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and say, “Well, I’m the boss.”

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No. What I do is… my most trusted counselor,

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with decisions regarding my family, should be my wife.

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So, we have to make this big decision. I go and talk to my wife.

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I want to hear what she has to say. And if we’re in agreement-BAM-okay, let’s make the decision.

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If we’re not in agreement it doesn't mean...

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I'll say this again, if we're not in agreement it doesn't mean,

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“Well, my wife’s not in agreement, so I’m not going to make the decision.”

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But what it does mean is this: if she’s not in agreement, that’s a real red flag for me.

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I mean, she’s my most trusted counselor in the family, so if we’re not in agreement, a red flag goes up for me.

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And what I’m going to do is I’m going to postpone that decision if I can

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so that she and I can pray together, talk about it more, until we come to unity.

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And when we come to unity, I’ll make that decision.

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But now, if the decision has to be made

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and we can wait no longer,

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as the head of my family, it is my job to make that decision.

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And if I am right and my wife is wrong, I do not gloat over her.

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And if she is right and I am wrong,

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she does not gloat over me, ladies.

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Dear sisters, there’s something you need to recognize.

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Your husband is going to be judged more severely than you.

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When he’s wrong, you should not gloat over him.

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You should be broken hearted.

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Because he’s going to be called to account for the wrong decision he has made.

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You need to be praying for him.

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His is a fearful, fearful job. Even though he may not know it,

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even though your husband may just make decisions nonchalantly,

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because he really hasn’t learned the fear of the Lord, you need to pray that he does.

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And when he makes a wrong decision, you really need to be a blessing to him.

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It's a hard thing. It's a very hard thing. It's a dangerous thing.

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“To whom much is given, much is required.” (P)

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Now, I want you to notice something here.

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It says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands,”

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and then in the end, in verse 33, it says, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as

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himself and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

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Now, it’s interesting here that it doesn’t say that wives are supposed to love their husbands.

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It says they’re supposed to submit to them and respect them.

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And it’s interesting that here that it doesn’t say that husbands

218
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:34,260
are to submit to and respect their wives, but they are to love their wives.

219
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:38,470
Now, that does not mean that husbands are not to respect their wives

220
00:17:38,470 --> 00:17:41,990
or that women aren’t to love their husbands. That’s not what it means.

221
00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:46,000
But it does tell us something that’s very interesting.

222
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,900
I do not need

223
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:52,540
my wife to call me 3 times a day

224
00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:55,870
and say, “Honey, I love you.”

225
00:17:55,870 --> 00:18:00,430
I don’t need her to send me flowers that say, “I love you.”

226
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:05,660
I mean, I’m sorry, I just don’t need that. I don’t.

227
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:10,940
What do I need? I need my wife to respect me.

228
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:17,530
That’s what I need. As a man, I’m made different than a woman, I need my wife to respect me.

229
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:21,220
The whole world… I can wake up one morning

230
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:23,750
(and sometimes with the internet I feel like I do)

231
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:30,060
and every person in the world is standing outside my yard with “down with Paul” signs.

232
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:37,490
“Paul should die”; “Paul’s a false prophet”; “Paul’s this...” I mean, I get everything you can’t even imagine.

233
00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:39,870
That doesn’t really affect me.

234
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,320
What does affect me is when my wife,

235
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,770
when I feel as though she does not respect me. That kills me.

236
00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:52,180
It takes all the strength out of me. You want your husband to be strong?

237
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:58,570
Respect him. Honor him. (P)

238
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:01,310
Now, here’s an interesting thing:

239
00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:05,590
it does say that the husband should love his wife.

240
00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:12,140
What does the wife need? Constant reminders that she’s loved.

241
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:16,950
She needs constant reminders that she’s loved.

242
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:24,760
You say, “Well, you know, I’m just not the kind of guy that says that stuff.” I know you’re not. Repent.

243
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:28,620
But here’s our problem. Here’s my problem.

244
00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:34,500
We get to thinking that our wives are like us.

245
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:39,010
“Well, I don’t need someone telling me they love me all the time.

246
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:42,640
I don’t need AFFIRMATION in that area.”

247
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:47,040
And so we don’t give it. Not because necessarily we’re terrible husbands.

248
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:52,980
I’m telling you, we’ve been raised in a culture where we’ve been lead to believe that we’re just alike, men and women.

249
00:19:52,980 --> 00:19:55,680
And we’re not. We’re not just alike.

250
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,580
Now, my wife needs respect, you’re wife needs respect,

251
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:04,550
but primarily what they need is an affirmation that they are loved, especially today. (P)

252
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:10,610
I mean, a woman’s not even worthy of love in today’s culture,

253
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:18,720
unless she’s five foot ten and weighs seven kilos or something.

254
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,720
Do you know what I mean? You know that, right?

255
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:28,300
We say she’s not even worthy of this kind of stuff. That’s only for very special women.

256
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:32,540
And that’s the kind of, you know… you’re women, you’re wives

257
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:38,390
constantly are looking at women in magazines who aren’t even real.

258
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:40,690
And they’re going, “I don’t look like this.”

259
00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:44,090
Do you know Cindy Crawford, the famous super model?

260
00:20:44,090 --> 00:20:47,620
She said something one time that was really wise and true.

261
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:51,130
They were interviewing her and she said,

262
00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:56,610
“What you need to understand is Cindy Crawford doesn’t look like Cindy Crawford.”

263
00:20:56,610 --> 00:20:58,610
And they said, “What do you mean?” She said,

264
00:20:58,610 --> 00:21:01,230
“You really think my legs are that long?

265
00:21:01,230 --> 00:21:04,440
You know, they can do great things with a computer.

266
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,670
And when I’m bent over like this with a beach ball, yeah, I’ve got a little roll of fat here too,

267
00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:12,480
but they can move that away, they can take that off.”

268
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:18,810
And so what happens is, just normal women are being compared, and they compare themselves

269
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,440
to these pictures that aren’t even real.

270
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:27,780
Not even the super model looks like that, and they walk around saying, “How can my husband love me?”

271
00:21:27,780 --> 00:21:31,020
And then, if they walk in the living room

272
00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:35,630
and the husband is watching a television show

273
00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:39,810
where the women do look like that,

274
00:21:39,810 --> 00:21:46,660
don’t think, man, that that doesn’t impact your wife negatively.

275
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:53,810
That it doesn’t make her think, again, “Am I even loved?" (P)

276
00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:58,250
So, we need different things.

277
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,080
We need different things.

278
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,940
Now, there’s a whole... what’s amazing about this passage

279
00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:12,130
is that it really only tells the woman, just be submissive to your husband and respect him.

280
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:18,080
And the whole chapter’s about men and how they’re supposed to die

281
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:23,700
to themselves and love their wives as Christ loved the church.

282
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:28,190
So, again, we see that the greater responsibility is where?

283
00:22:28,190 --> 00:22:32,730
It’s upon the man, it’s upon the man.

284
00:22:32,730 --> 00:22:40,180
I want us to look over, like I said, this is so full of truth it’s unbelievable.

285
00:22:40,180 --> 00:22:44,070
But, we just don’t have time to catch everything.

286
00:22:44,070 --> 00:22:49,290
I want us to go over for a second to 1 Timothy 2:9.

287
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,300
“Likewise,” in verse 8 Paul says,

288
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:11,640
“Therefore, I want men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands without wrath and dissention.”

289
00:23:11,650 --> 00:23:13,290
Alright. Now notice,

290
00:23:13,290 --> 00:23:17,650
men are prone towards wrath,

291
00:23:17,650 --> 00:23:24,040
impatience, anger, fighting, dissention, this type of thing.

292
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:29,240
Then he goes on, he says, “I don’t want that out of you. I want you lifting up holy hands.

293
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:35,190
I want you living a life of prayer. I want you to be in unity in your prayer.” (P)

294
00:23:35,190 --> 00:23:40,450
But now he goes in verse 9, he says, “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves

295
00:23:40,450 --> 00:23:42,500
with proper clothing,

296
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:49,960
modestly and discreetly; not with braided hair, and gold, or pearls, or costly garments.”

297
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,630
Whoa!

298
00:23:53,630 --> 00:23:57,080
Well, hold on there.

299
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:03,220
And this is something… I’m going to be very honest with you, that my wife and I have been,

300
00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:07,810
we’ve really been struggling with this.

301
00:24:07,810 --> 00:24:10,580
Not that we don’t want to obey it.

302
00:24:10,580 --> 00:24:14,210
We want to make sure we know what it means.

303
00:24:14,210 --> 00:24:17,850
Because does it… I mean, what does it mean?

304
00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:24,290
Because we’ve been given some terms here and, I mean they’re not…

305
00:24:24,290 --> 00:24:28,150
you know, we almost look at this and say why didn’t you give us more. I mean, give us a rule,

306
00:24:28,150 --> 00:24:32,690
give us, you know, something that we can just follow.

307
00:24:32,690 --> 00:24:36,810
But I want you to look at some things. I want you to see first of all,

308
00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:44,800
“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves.” Now, he wants women to adorn themselves. Okay.

309
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:50,140
So adornment’s not bad.

310
00:24:50,140 --> 00:24:55,800
But that adornment, we’re going to see is in verse 10

311
00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:05,100
and in verse 11 it’s good works, godliness, a quiet and submissive spirit.

312
00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:11,420
Now, but let’s go on. He says, “I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing.”

313
00:25:11,420 --> 00:25:17,670
That tells me that there is clothing that’s improper for a Christian woman. Alright?

314
00:25:17,670 --> 00:25:19,890
I mean, that’s just logic.

315
00:25:19,890 --> 00:25:25,370
There is clothing that is improper for a Christian woman.

316
00:25:25,370 --> 00:25:30,650
Now, he says the clothing must be modest.

317
00:25:30,650 --> 00:25:40,160
Modest, this is a very important, it’s literally proper clothing with modesty, is the way it goes in the original text.

318
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,550
So, with modesty.

319
00:25:42,550 --> 00:25:46,740
My wife has a really good thing that she says,

320
00:25:46,740 --> 00:25:51,870
“If your clothing is a frame for your face,

321
00:25:51,870 --> 00:25:57,910
from which the glory of God is to shine, it’s proper.

322
00:25:57,910 --> 00:26:01,370
If it draws attention to your face.

323
00:26:01,370 --> 00:26:06,430
If your clothing draws attention to your body,

324
00:26:06,430 --> 00:26:11,580
to outline it, to make it noticed,

325
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:19,080
then it’s sensual, it’s sensual. What you’re doing is wrong.” (P)

326
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,600
Now, I want to step off for just a second.

327
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,820
Women, you need to understand something.

328
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:31,850
Men are not as dumb as you think they are.

329
00:26:31,850 --> 00:26:39,690
My wife and I have a friend in Illinois and she’s a very pretty lady, very pretty.

330
00:26:39,690 --> 00:26:45,120
And if she walked in that door right now,

331
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:51,360
every man in this room, if he turned and saw her, this is what they would say,

332
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:58,090
“Well, that’s a very pretty lady. That’s a very elegant lady.

333
00:26:58,090 --> 00:27:04,570
That’s a beautiful lady.”

334
00:27:04,570 --> 00:27:08,170
And that’s what they would think.

335
00:27:08,170 --> 00:27:14,044
But ladies, there are also women that aren’t half as attractive as that lady I just described to you,

336
00:27:14,044 --> 00:27:16,679
either in their face or their body,

337
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:21,580
and they could walk in that door and the moment every man heard the door open and he looked over there,

338
00:27:21,580 --> 00:27:25,280
if he was a godly man, he would have to go like this. *looks away*

339
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,320
Because it’s not beauty,

340
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,350
it’s sensuality.

341
00:27:29,350 --> 00:27:33,000
And even though you can’t exactly write down the rules

342
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,390
and put it all on paper, when you see it you know it.

343
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,530
There is a difference between beauty and sensuality.

344
00:27:41,530 --> 00:27:45,800
And God is not against beauty. He is against sensuality.

345
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:51,460
In Philippians we are told to think on things that are excellent,

346
00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:56,990
that are noble, that are just, that are right, that are true.

347
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,590
The way a woman carries herself and the way she dresses

348
00:28:01,590 --> 00:28:05,790
ought to promote the following types of words-

349
00:28:05,790 --> 00:28:07,700
modesty,

350
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:09,990
discretion,

351
00:28:09,990 --> 00:28:12,050
wisdom,

352
00:28:12,050 --> 00:28:14,730
beauty,

353
00:28:14,730 --> 00:28:17,130
elegance,

354
00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:19,000
refinement

355
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,810
But not sensuality,

356
00:28:22,810 --> 00:28:25,200
luxury,

357
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:28,730
extravagance.

358
00:28:28,730 --> 00:28:32,710
You know, extravagance, ladies, is when

359
00:28:32,710 --> 00:28:43,460
your husband wants you to take off your earrings so he can make them into lures to catch really big fish.

360
00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:46,200
Now, ladies,

361
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:51,120
you know I’ve been giving your husbands a lot of tasks, let me give you one.

362
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:58,540
Seek to find out what this means and go wherever the Lord shows you.

363
00:28:58,540 --> 00:29:03,170
There is nothing more attractive

364
00:29:03,170 --> 00:29:10,130
than a woman who has this look of wisdom

365
00:29:10,140 --> 00:29:12,860
and discretion

366
00:29:12,860 --> 00:29:14,990
and nobility

367
00:29:14,990 --> 00:29:21,150
and simplicity.

368
00:29:21,150 --> 00:29:27,740
Simplicity. It’s just a simple beauty about her. (P)

369
00:29:27,740 --> 00:29:30,480
Now, I was teaching in Romania,

370
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,070
I guess it was about 2 years ago and I was at a university,

371
00:29:34,070 --> 00:29:39,160
I think is was Brasov, the University of Brasov I think, or something.

372
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,660
And it’s European, you know.

373
00:29:42,660 --> 00:29:47,270
Just European techno punk kind of stuff, you know.

374
00:29:47,270 --> 00:29:52,150
All of these college students come in there and everything and there’s a whole room full of them

375
00:29:52,150 --> 00:29:57,110
and there was a bunch of girls there at the bottom of the auditorium in the first row

376
00:29:57,110 --> 00:30:02,910
with purple hair and nails through their nose, stuff like that, you know.

377
00:30:02,910 --> 00:30:06,810
And I looked at them and, I didn’t get angry,

378
00:30:06,810 --> 00:30:11,420
it just really broke my heart. You just look at these little girls and you think,

379
00:30:11,420 --> 00:30:14,210
“Oh Lord,” you know,

380
00:30:14,210 --> 00:30:20,060
“Where is their father? What’s happened?” And this is what I did,

381
00:30:20,060 --> 00:30:22,260
I looked at them and I said,

382
00:30:22,260 --> 00:30:27,170
“How many of you have seen the movie Pride and Prejudice,

383
00:30:27,170 --> 00:30:32,230
the BBC version or the one with Keira Knightley?

384
00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:36,070
How many of you have ever seen that? Or seen Sense and Sensibility?

385
00:30:36,070 --> 00:30:39,570
You know those two movies?”

386
00:30:39,570 --> 00:30:43,230
And most of them went, you know, “I have.”

387
00:30:43,230 --> 00:30:53,120
I said, “After you saw those movies, did you feel sad, kind of?” And a lot of them went “Well,

388
00:30:53,120 --> 00:31:00,830
Yeah. I did, come to think of it. When I saw those movies I felt sad.”

389
00:31:00,830 --> 00:31:06,610
And I said, “Do you want me to tell you why?”

390
00:31:06,610 --> 00:31:09,010
And they said, “Sure.”

391
00:31:09,010 --> 00:31:14,040
I said, “Because much of what you saw in that movie has been killed in you.

392
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,620
It’s been killed.

393
00:31:16,620 --> 00:31:23,190
There was a time when people dressed for the sake of beauty.

394
00:31:23,190 --> 00:31:31,020
Now it’s for the sake of lust.

395
00:31:31,020 --> 00:31:36,070
It used to be refinement, now it’s grunge.”

396
00:31:36,070 --> 00:31:38,730
And I said, “Isn’t is amazing that

397
00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:42,700
even though this really didn’t happen in the movie, this was kind of the thing the movie gave you.

398
00:31:42,700 --> 00:31:46,540
Like if a girl was standing there and she reached for a book,

399
00:31:46,540 --> 00:31:49,850
let’s say a 19 year-old girl, and she reaches for a book

400
00:31:49,850 --> 00:31:55,880
and the moment she reaches for the book a boy also reaches for the same book

401
00:31:55,880 --> 00:32:01,410
and his hand crosses her hand like this, just by accident, and guess what happens?

402
00:32:01,410 --> 00:32:05,380
The moment that happens, she almost looses her breathe,

403
00:32:05,380 --> 00:32:10,010
she flushes, and has to leave the room.

404
00:32:10,010 --> 00:32:13,740
Look what they’ve done to you.

405
00:32:13,740 --> 00:32:16,980
Look how they’ve robbed you,

406
00:32:16,980 --> 00:32:21,010
and you’ve allowed yourself to be robbed.”

407
00:32:21,010 --> 00:32:22,140
The young man,

408
00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:27,760
his heart’s beating and he doesn’t even know what to do. He just jumps out of a window.

409
00:32:27,770 --> 00:32:30,110
The young girl is all flush

410
00:32:30,110 --> 00:32:35,350
and she’s just feeling all of these emotions that are just about to explode

411
00:32:35,350 --> 00:32:43,790
in her heart; and tenderness and innocence and all of these things that have been killed in you, young lady.

412
00:32:43,790 --> 00:32:49,770
They’ve been killed. Sin causes death all the time.

413
00:32:49,770 --> 00:32:54,420
It kills everything. It kills beauty.

414
00:32:54,420 --> 00:32:56,840
It kills poetry.

415
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,470
It kills refinement. (P)

416
00:32:59,470 --> 00:33:03,730
I would challenge you to get into the Scriptures,

417
00:33:03,730 --> 00:33:07,900
and it is a difficult task, because you start asking yourself a question.

418
00:33:07,901 --> 00:33:08,901
“Well,

419
00:33:07,900 --> 00:33:13,760
what is masculine? I mean, does it mean that I can never wear pants, does it mean this or that?”

420
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,010
Those are very hard questions. And you know what? You need to have a lot of grace,

421
00:33:17,010 --> 00:33:20,560
because when the Scriptures do not say something specifically,

422
00:33:20,570 --> 00:33:25,000
you better not be putting your specific rules upon people.

423
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,780
Be very careful here.

424
00:33:27,780 --> 00:33:33,840
And as you know, my wife’s here, she doesn’t dress like a puritan or something.

425
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,560
But at the same time, I can say that she and I are in a transition.

426
00:33:37,570 --> 00:33:39,260
Because we’ve honestly, you know,

427
00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:43,680
you get around to trying to look at different aspects of your life and one of the things is,

428
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:47,870
what is it supposed to look like to be a feminine,

429
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:54,330
beautiful woman with discretion and wisdom and nobility?

430
00:33:54,330 --> 00:34:00,230
And you know, you could dress a woman in a skirt that went all the way down to her heels

431
00:34:00,230 --> 00:34:05,750
and she could still be sensual and ungodly. I mean, nothing’s going to cover up a wicked heart.

432
00:34:05,750 --> 00:34:11,130
But how should the daughters of God dress themselves?

433
00:34:11,130 --> 00:34:15,540
And, you know, some people have gone really, you know, I think the other side

434
00:34:15,540 --> 00:34:20,260
and they just wear, you know, denim skirts and white tennis shoes

435
00:34:20,260 --> 00:34:23,900
and put their hair a certain way and everybody’s a home schooling mom.

436
00:34:23,900 --> 00:34:28,770
I don’t think that’s what the Scriptures had intended either.

437
00:34:28,770 --> 00:34:32,010
But I will tell you this,

438
00:34:32,010 --> 00:34:34,400
take simplicity,

439
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,740
take modesty,

440
00:34:36,740 --> 00:34:38,860
take discretion,

441
00:34:38,870 --> 00:34:45,480
put within that, beauty and elegance.

442
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:51,930
Throw away from it all sensuality and luxury and extravagance

443
00:34:51,930 --> 00:34:55,650
and try to find where does the Lord want you to be?

444
00:34:55,650 --> 00:35:00,520
And I’ll tell you this, just as a man,

445
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:07,700
a women who most people would say is not that attractive in her face

446
00:35:07,700 --> 00:35:10,910
or in her body,

447
00:35:10,910 --> 00:35:16,650
if you see nobility in her,

448
00:35:16,650 --> 00:35:22,530
if you see discretion and wisdom in her clothing,

449
00:35:22,530 --> 00:35:27,340
in her way of being, it is attractive.

450
00:35:27,340 --> 00:35:32,000
It is pleasant. It is, it is.

451
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:36,920
A noble, virtuous woman, who just doesn’t have it on the inside

452
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,890
but it effects the way she dresses, it effects the way she holds herself. (P)

453
00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:46,050
And young ladies that are here,

454
00:35:46,050 --> 00:35:52,710
boys don’t play with you,

455
00:35:52,710 --> 00:35:55,530
they don't wrestle with you,

456
00:35:55,530 --> 00:36:00,090
they don’t come up and grab you around the neck.

457
00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:03,680
You don’t do all these kinds of things.

458
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:08,900
You are very special, very proper.

459
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:15,940
Not in that wrong sort of way, but there’s a dignity to you.

460
00:36:15,940 --> 00:36:22,300
So don’t allow the world to tell you how to dress, because they just want to make you sensual.

461
00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:27,410
Don’t let people tell you how boys are supposed to treat you.

462
00:36:27,410 --> 00:36:31,960
Let God tell you. And you DEMAND that! (P)

463
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,120
Now, fathers, here’s something else.

464
00:36:35,130 --> 00:36:40,070
You treat their mother very poorly,

465
00:36:40,070 --> 00:36:47,510
then don’t expect your daughter to rise above you in the mate she chooses.

466
00:36:47,510 --> 00:36:53,280
She needs to be able to look at you and then look at all of these 20 year-old boys

467
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:57,370
that haven’t got the brain God gave a goose,

468
00:36:57,370 --> 00:37:00,750
she needs to be able to look at them and go, “You do what?”

469
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:05,380
When that boy says, “I love you.” “You what? Love me?

470
00:37:05,380 --> 00:37:10,340
You can’t even spell the word love. Go look at my dad!

471
00:37:10,350 --> 00:37:16,210
Follow him around for 2 years. He’ll show you what love is all about.”

472
00:37:16,210 --> 00:37:21,980
Do you see? Guys, we do such a disservice to our daughters.

473
00:37:21,980 --> 00:37:28,460
We all do, when we neglect their mothers or treat their mothers common.

474
00:37:28,460 --> 00:37:36,130
So don’t be angry one day when some guy comes along and treats your daughter as common. (P)

475
00:37:36,140 --> 00:37:40,990
Now, look what it says here. It says,

476
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:47,520
“Not with braided hair, or gold or pearls or costly garments.”

477
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,820
Now, does this mean, as some have interpreted, that a woman can never braid her hair?

478
00:37:51,820 --> 00:37:54,010
Well, if you go into the Greek world,

479
00:37:54,010 --> 00:37:58,860
you will see some braiding that went on that literally is frightening.

480
00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:01,860
The women looked like Medusa.

481
00:38:01,870 --> 00:38:06,980
I am not kidding. They braided hair to the… they would spend days braiding this hair up

482
00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:11,610
and it was going all over the place and it looks like snakes coming out of her head.

483
00:38:11,610 --> 00:38:14,570
That’s what Satan will always do to a culture.

484
00:38:14,570 --> 00:38:18,050
What he’s talking about here is not that you can’t braid your hair.

485
00:38:18,050 --> 00:38:23,190
It’s talking about just the simplicity of it. Not extravagant.

486
00:38:23,190 --> 00:38:28,140
And then there’s gold and pearls or costly garments.

487
00:38:28,140 --> 00:38:32,920
Now, what does this mean? Well, I see that the servant

488
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:40,220
of Abraham gave Isaac’s bride some costly bracelets,

489
00:38:40,220 --> 00:38:46,680
some rings for her nose. You know, go figure.

490
00:38:46,690 --> 00:38:51,980
So, that wasn’t treated as an ungodly thing. I think it goes back again to extravagance.

491
00:38:51,980 --> 00:38:56,360
Extravagance.

492
00:38:56,370 --> 00:38:58,570
And costly garments? No.

493
00:38:58,570 --> 00:39:02,680
Women should not be preoccupied with spending a lot of money on clothing.

494
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:06,990
But you know what? A wise woman, a noble woman

495
00:39:06,990 --> 00:39:11,830
can take a little bit of something and make it look pretty amazing.

496
00:39:11,830 --> 00:39:16,470
Remember the Proverbs 31 woman? She didn’t just dress her household.

497
00:39:16,470 --> 00:39:20,040
She herself dressed in purple.

498
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,310
But it was a frugality, a simplicity. (P)

499
00:39:23,310 --> 00:39:28,280
Like this one time, when Charo and I were on our honeymoon I wanted to really, like do something. I’m going to buy her something.

500
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,250
So we go into this clothing store and there’s this dress or skirt.

501
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:36,850
I don’t know the difference between a dress and a skirt. Was it a skirt or a dress? Skirt, okay.

502
00:39:36,850 --> 00:39:42,240
I just don’t know, I just can’t figure that out.

503
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:48,220
Alright, it was a skirt and it was really pretty and it just kind of went down long and it was really pretty.

504
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:53,630
And I said, “Why don’t we get it?” She looked at the price tag and she says, “85 dollars, we’re not buying this.”

505
00:39:53,630 --> 00:39:59,540
I said, “Good. I didn’t know they cost that much.”

506
00:39:59,540 --> 00:40:03,270
But guess what? A few weeks later she found the same skirt,

507
00:40:03,270 --> 00:40:07,220
different color, exact same skirt with the price tag still on it

508
00:40:07,220 --> 00:40:11,750
in a thrift store, I think it was, for 5 dollars.

509
00:40:11,750 --> 00:40:15,620
And I was like, “Praise the Lord.”

510
00:40:15,620 --> 00:40:23,260
You know, I’m like, “Here honey, here’s 10 dollars. Don't spend it all in one place!”

511
00:40:23,260 --> 00:40:29,690
But it’s amazing what a wise woman can do with almost nothing.

512
00:40:29,690 --> 00:40:35,910
And it’s also amazing what a woman with no wisdom can not do with everything.

513
00:40:35,910 --> 00:40:38,170
It’s just amazing. (P) 

514
00:40:38,170 --> 00:40:44,590
And so, you know and it comes down to… people always ask me, “Is it a sin for women to wear makeup?”

515
00:40:44,590 --> 00:40:49,320
And I say, “Brother, it’s a sin if some women don’t wear makeup.”

516
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:59,950
An old preacher said one time, “It never hurts to put a little paint on an old barn.”

517
00:40:59,950 --> 00:41:03,160
But now, here’s the point again.

518
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:08,520
You can see when a woman uses makeup and there’s discretion.

519
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:13,800
And you can see another woman that looks like she just lost a paint gun war.

520
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,930
And that’s just what it comes down to.

521
00:41:16,930 --> 00:41:21,310
And then there needs to be a lot of grace when you make your decision. (P)

522
00:41:21,310 --> 00:41:23,640
I remember one time, I had preached in Romania

523
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,570
and God had really moved and saved a bunch of people and the meetings were all extended

524
00:41:27,570 --> 00:41:30,260
and then the next year I came back and brought my wife.

525
00:41:30,260 --> 00:41:35,170
My wife had some little earrings in and things like that and this Romanian woman walked up and she goes,

526
00:41:35,170 --> 00:41:39,480
“Brother Paul, you preach power of God in your life.

527
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:45,390
How could you be married to a woman like this?”

528
00:41:45,390 --> 00:41:52,880
And I was like… I’m stepping back because there’s going to be a fight.

529
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:55,990
And my wife was so wise.

530
00:41:55,990 --> 00:42:03,600
She got her in a head lock and pounded her- no, I’m just kidding.

531
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:08,010
This lady who said this was about 25 or 30 years-old.

532
00:42:08,010 --> 00:42:11,580
And she looked just haggard.

533
00:42:11,580 --> 00:42:15,780
But, I mean, in her face you could see she was an attractive lady,

534
00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:19,540
but she was just haggardly. I mean, just morose.

535
00:42:19,550 --> 00:42:24,520
And my wife goes, “Do you have a picture of yourself?”

536
00:42:24,530 --> 00:42:29,820
The lady goes, “Yeah. Before I was converted.”

537
00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:32,300
Charo said, “Can I see it?”

538
00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:35,030
The lady said, “Yeah.”

539
00:42:35,030 --> 00:42:40,700
Charo looked at the picture and it was a vibrant young lady, smiling, happy.

540
00:42:40,700 --> 00:42:43,450
Charo looked at it, then she gave her back the picture

541
00:42:43,450 --> 00:42:47,440
and she said, “You know, I liked you better when you were lost.”

542
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,270
And then she came back to her and said,

543
00:42:51,270 --> 00:42:54,950
“Is this what Jesus does to a person?

544
00:42:54,950 --> 00:43:00,050
Kills their joy? Makes them mean spirited?

545
00:43:00,050 --> 00:43:04,760
Okay, you don’t have any makeup and you don’t have any earrings on, but you look..."

546
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,680
she didn’t say this, but I know she was thinking it

547
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:11,240
“you look like a zombie from the Dawn of the Dead movie.”

548
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:18,790
You know, the fact of the matter is, this woman was in bondage.

549
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:23,690
She had decided that she should wear longer dresses. And I think that’s wonderful.

550
00:43:23,690 --> 00:43:27,570
And she had decided that you need to be very careful. I think that’s wonderful.

551
00:43:27,570 --> 00:43:29,739
But look at what she didn’t have.

552
00:43:29,739 --> 00:43:35,440
She didn’t have the good works as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

553
00:43:35,450 --> 00:43:42,550
She didn’t receive instruction well and she wasn’t submissive and she didn’t have a quiet spirit.

554
00:43:42,550 --> 00:43:45,190
I mean, there was just no joy.

555
00:43:45,190 --> 00:43:48,220
There was no fruit of the Holy Spirit.

556
00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:52,270
So see, you can go through your wardrobe and decide what’s decent and what’s not,

557
00:43:52,270 --> 00:43:54,130
but if inside

558
00:43:54,130 --> 00:43:56,850
your heart is not right,

559
00:43:56,850 --> 00:44:01,550
you can’t cover up your sin, you can’t. (P)

560
00:44:01,550 --> 00:44:06,900
Now, I want us to look over at 1 Peter 3:1.

561
00:44:14,590 --> 00:44:18,560
“In the same way, you wives be submissive to your husbands,

562
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,980
so that if any of them are disobedient to the Word,

563
00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:25,770
they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”

564
00:44:25,780 --> 00:44:28,560
I want to tell you something, this makes me laugh.

565
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:32,150
You think God isn’t all wise?

566
00:44:32,150 --> 00:44:34,210
Look what He says.

567
00:44:34,210 --> 00:44:38,440
He says, “If any of them are disobedient to the Word,”

568
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:47,050
He says, “Wives, they may be won without a word…”

569
00:44:47,050 --> 00:44:51,560
How do women seek to change their husbands?

570
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:57,240
With their tongue, with their words. Isn’t it?

571
00:44:57,240 --> 00:45:00,520
I’ve even seen women say, “Husband,

572
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:06,150
I’m telling you, YOU ARE GOING to be the leader of this home! Now, get up and lead!

573
00:45:06,150 --> 00:45:08,730
And I’m going to tell you how!” I mean,

574
00:45:08,730 --> 00:45:14,080
just fighting with their husbands constantly.

575
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,620
You are not going to change your husband

576
00:45:17,620 --> 00:45:22,200
with your tongue. You’re going to change him with your behavior. (P)

577
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,670
Let me give you an example.

578
00:45:24,670 --> 00:45:28,780
I come home from work and it’s been a bad day

579
00:45:28,780 --> 00:45:32,820
and I’m thinking about only one thing- me.

580
00:45:32,820 --> 00:45:35,300
Alright, and I deserve it.

581
00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:38,130
I have suffered all day working in the missions,

582
00:45:38,130 --> 00:45:42,250
things have gone bad, I’ve had to fight the devil, hell and everything else.

583
00:45:42,250 --> 00:45:45,910
And I’m coming home and things need to be right.

584
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:50,070
And I come home, and they’re not right.

585
00:45:50,070 --> 00:45:54,700
Now, usually my house is clean and usually there is food ready and everything else.

586
00:45:54,700 --> 00:46:00,280
But I come home this particular day and it looks like Godzilla came through my house.

587
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,490
And I say, “Honey, what’s the deal?

588
00:46:03,490 --> 00:46:06,420
I mean, I’m out there fighting the devil all day

589
00:46:06,420 --> 00:46:10,860
and I’m supposed to come home to an orderly house.”

590
00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:15,800
And she spins around and looks at me

591
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:23,880
with a fire in her eyes that would make a grown man run back to his mom.

592
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:31,600
And she starts, “What do you mean coming in here? You don’t know what I’ve got to deal with.

593
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:35,760
And you out there all day doing this, and yeah you went to lunch.

594
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:39,490
Yeah, and you did this. But I’m stuck here and I’m home schooling and…”

595
00:46:39,490 --> 00:46:43,170
And the moment she does that the fight is on.

596
00:46:43,170 --> 00:46:47,490
And I know none of you ever deal with anything like this.

597
00:46:47,490 --> 00:46:53,630
But the fight is on and guess what? Both parties are justified in their own mind.

598
00:46:53,630 --> 00:47:01,220
They are totally justified and no one is ashamed for their ignorant, foolish, ungodly actions. (P) 

599
00:47:01,220 --> 00:47:03,170
But now, let's replay it.

600
00:47:03,170 --> 00:47:05,990
And I come home, and I’m still all about me.

601
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,860
King me.

602
00:47:07,860 --> 00:47:12,600
And I come home, the house is messed up and there’s no food

603
00:47:12,610 --> 00:47:16,030
and the baby is crying and all of these things are going on and I say,

604
00:47:16,030 --> 00:47:18,300
“Look, I mean,

605
00:47:18,300 --> 00:47:22,080
I’m out there all day preaching the gospel, doing things.

606
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:25,290
At least I could come home and have a little peace.”

607
00:47:25,290 --> 00:47:30,220
I’m making this up, because I never do things like this.

608
00:47:30,220 --> 00:47:35,060
And my wife turns around and she goes,

609
00:47:35,060 --> 00:47:39,060
“Paul, I am so sorry.

610
00:47:39,060 --> 00:47:45,150
One sister has... I’ve been on the phone almost all day trying to figure out

611
00:47:45,150 --> 00:47:48,840
a problem with a sister in the church and

612
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:53,680
the baby is sick and I’ve just had to let things go.

613
00:47:53,690 --> 00:47:57,540
And I’m sorry, just give me time and I’ll get things in order.”

614
00:47:57,540 --> 00:48:01,250
When she does that, this is what I do:

615
00:48:01,250 --> 00:48:04,540
"… um…”

616
00:48:04,540 --> 00:48:09,350
I go outside. I go into my workshop.

617
00:48:09,350 --> 00:48:14,270
I find…oak is usually the preferable wood that you want,

618
00:48:14,270 --> 00:48:19,200
but hickory also is a good wood to use,

619
00:48:19,210 --> 00:48:24,420
and you take it with both hands, like this, and then you go wham,

620
00:48:24,420 --> 00:48:27,670
wham, wham, wham.

621
00:48:27,670 --> 00:48:32,670
And then you crawl back into the house and you ask for forgiveness.

622
00:48:32,670 --> 00:48:34,760
Look what she’s done.

623
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:40,370
She couldn’t beat me with her words, but she beat me with her behavior.

624
00:48:40,370 --> 00:48:45,690
 She heaped burning hot coals on my head with her godliness.

625
00:48:45,690 --> 00:48:47,440
Do you see that? (P)

626
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,180
Now men, it’s the same way.

627
00:48:50,190 --> 00:48:53,890
Man, if we could ever get this certain brother to come up here,

628
00:48:53,890 --> 00:48:59,240
he teaches on marriage and his name is Norm Wakefield.

629
00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:03,510
And he was teaching me one day and he said, “Paul,

630
00:49:03,510 --> 00:49:08,590
when I’m preaching, and I really, when God’s really moved or somethings happened,

631
00:49:08,590 --> 00:49:11,510
and I drive home,” he said, “I’m preparing myself

632
00:49:11,510 --> 00:49:16,170
because I know when I open that door I know, I am hoping my wife

633
00:49:16,170 --> 00:49:20,690
will realize I’ve just come from a tremendous week of battle

634
00:49:20,690 --> 00:49:23,960
and she’ll meet me at the door and just be a blessing.”

635
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,710
He said, “Paul, I know it’s usually not going to happen.

636
00:49:27,710 --> 00:49:31,700
I know some things are going to be going on.

637
00:49:31,700 --> 00:49:34,000
Now, you can say it’s the devil,

638
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,890
but the devil’s got my whole house upset and my wife’s going to open the door

639
00:49:37,890 --> 00:49:43,370
and she’s going to be immediately telling me problems, she’s going to ignore my needs and everything else.”

640
00:49:43,370 --> 00:49:48,050
And he said, “But it’s not the devil, so much as it is God.

641
00:49:48,050 --> 00:49:51,980
And what God is doing is He’s allowing the devil to work

642
00:49:51,980 --> 00:49:55,380
to stir up my house so that when my wife opens up that door,

643
00:49:55,390 --> 00:50:00,250
and she does not receive me with pleasantness and she doesn’t appreciate the battles I’ve been through,

644
00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:05,570
God is giving me, at that point, an opportunity to be like Jesus!

645
00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:08,040
To love like Jesus!”

646
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:12,220
Do you see that? So see it goes both ways. (P)

647
00:50:12,220 --> 00:50:14,050
Now let me give you an illustration.

648
00:50:14,050 --> 00:50:18,170
If you go to Europe, one of the things that you’ve always got to see are castles.

649
00:50:18,170 --> 00:50:20,190
I mean, they’re just unbelievable.

650
00:50:20,190 --> 00:50:22,300
But there’s something unusual about castles.

651
00:50:22,300 --> 00:50:28,360
The front door of a castle is like really big, on the first floor. I mean, it’s huge.

652
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:33,410
I mean, 25 guys walking abreast can go through that door. It’s a big door!

653
00:50:33,410 --> 00:50:39,050
What’s amazing is, you go up to the second floor and the stair way’s about this big.

654
00:50:39,050 --> 00:50:43,580
And the door at the top is like this tall and like this big.

655
00:50:43,580 --> 00:50:48,690
You know, like, man if that wasn’t an architectural oversight. Why did they do that?

656
00:50:48,690 --> 00:50:51,390
Well, here’s the way, here’s the reason.

657
00:50:51,390 --> 00:50:54,280
Let’s say that there’s a bunch of people in the castle

658
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:59,890
and they’re in there locked up because there’s an army, a gigantic army outside the castle.

659
00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:04,450
Well, that gigantic army, it storms that door, the first door.

660
00:51:04,450 --> 00:51:09,490
And 25 men leaning against that door and they push it in and here comes the whole army,

661
00:51:09,490 --> 00:51:12,600
floods into that first floor.

662
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,430
And let’s say there’s only 10 people in that castle.

663
00:51:16,430 --> 00:51:20,980
But the army’s 300 men and they’ve just busted through the door.

664
00:51:20,990 --> 00:51:26,900
All the people in the castle, the 10 people, they run up that narrow stairway.

665
00:51:26,900 --> 00:51:29,400
And here’s what you need to understand.

666
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:32,930
That stairwell is so narrow

667
00:51:32,930 --> 00:51:37,770
that is just takes one man with a lance at the top of that thing to hold off

668
00:51:37,770 --> 00:51:40,960
an army of 300 men,

669
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:45,590
because all 300 of them can’t get up there, only one at a time.

670
00:51:45,590 --> 00:51:49,090
I just described your marriage.

671
00:51:49,100 --> 00:51:53,050
Women, your husband is sitting in his castle

672
00:51:53,050 --> 00:51:57,690
and he’s just having a good old time. He’s sitting in hiscomfortable chair,

673
00:51:57,690 --> 00:52:02,730
he’s watching sports or a hunting program.

674
00:52:02,730 --> 00:52:06,390
And you have had enough.

675
00:52:06,390 --> 00:52:10,580
Alright, so you storm the castle door.

676
00:52:10,580 --> 00:52:16,890
And what does he do? He does what every man ought to do. He runs.

677
00:52:16,890 --> 00:52:20,360
He runs straight up those stairs.

678
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:23,190
I like what one man said one time.

679
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:28,390
There were 3 men and 2 of them were saying "My wife, you know, she submits to me."

680
00:52:28,390 --> 00:52:32,390
And this other guy goes, “Pshhh, you guys are a bunch of wimps!

681
00:52:32,390 --> 00:52:36,430
When my wife talks to me, she gets down on her hands and knees."

682
00:52:36,430 --> 00:52:40,240
They said, "Really?" He said, "Yeah,

683
00:52:40,250 --> 00:52:44,090
she gets down on her hands and knees

684
00:52:44,090 --> 00:52:53,200
and she looks under the bed where I’m hiding and she says ‘Are you going to come out and fight like a man or stay there all day?’” (P)

685
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,370
But here’s the thing. Wife,

686
00:52:56,370 --> 00:53:03,730
your husband sees you, sees that double-edged sword coming out of your mouth,

687
00:53:03,740 --> 00:53:10,510
and he runs up and he’s got his lance and you're coming up that stairwell.

688
00:53:10,510 --> 00:53:17,180
And you’re coming up that stairwell fighting with him. That tongue of yours is moving like a weed eater.

689
00:53:17,180 --> 00:53:22,840
And the whole time you’re giving him the rights, you’re just telling him the way it ought to be.

690
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:26,240
The whole time you’re doing that, you’re also praying,

691
00:53:26,250 --> 00:53:28,670
"God, why don’t you help me with this man?

692
00:53:28,670 --> 00:53:31,390
God, why don’t you do what you need to do?

693
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,050
Why don’t you change this man? God I can’t understand.”

694
00:53:34,050 --> 00:53:37,850
And every time you say, “God, why don’t you help me with this man?”,

695
00:53:37,860 --> 00:53:41,150
God’s going, “Get out of the way.”

696
00:53:41,150 --> 00:53:45,370
And you’re like, “No, I’m not getting out of the way!” And you just keep fighting.

697
00:53:45,370 --> 00:53:49,110
“God, why don’t you get up here and help?” God goes, “There’s room for only one.

698
00:53:49,110 --> 00:53:50,670
Get out of the way.”

699
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:57,340
And you won’t get out of the way, because you’d rather just wag that big, dangerous tongue of yours

700
00:53:57,340 --> 00:54:01,540
then you would get out of the way.

701
00:54:01,550 --> 00:54:06,250
I thought about writing a book, I’m still thinking about writing it

702
00:54:06,260 --> 00:54:14,760
to wives on how to act in such a way so that God will kill your husband.

703
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:19,700
I’m just afraid it will be a bestseller.

704
00:54:19,700 --> 00:54:23,760
We’ll have a lot of men dying.

705
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:28,220
But remember what God says in Romans,

706
00:54:28,220 --> 00:54:33,130
in Romans 12? “Give place to the wrath of God.”

707
00:54:33,130 --> 00:54:35,710
Get out of the way. He says,

708
00:54:35,710 --> 00:54:43,170
“Don’t deal with your enemies. Don’t fight fires with fires. Someone does evil to you, don’t do evil back. Just get out of the way.”

709
00:54:43,170 --> 00:54:49,020
And what God is telling a woman is this:

710
00:54:49,020 --> 00:54:54,350
“Continue in your godliness, continue in your quiet spirit.

711
00:54:54,350 --> 00:54:58,800
Seek to honor him as much as you can.

712
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:01,720
And call out to Me

713
00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:06,740
and I will be your help in the day of trouble.”

714
00:55:06,740 --> 00:55:13,840
God changes people. And this works the same way with husbands, except more so. (P)

715
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:15,900
Husbands, you are called…

716
00:55:15,900 --> 00:55:21,710
the wife is never really called to be an example to her husband

717
00:55:21,710 --> 00:55:25,540
but the man is called to be an example to his wife.

718
00:55:25,550 --> 00:55:31,400
You want your wife to change? Be an example, be an example.

719
00:55:31,410 --> 00:55:38,570
And brothers, you know, I hate teaching this because it just points out my own errors.

720
00:55:38,570 --> 00:55:46,120
But I’m not teaching it because I live it perfectly. I’m teaching it because it’s true and I need to hear it every day.

721
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:52,710
And so do you. And ladies, it’s the same thing, so do you. You need to hear this. (P)

722
00:55:52,710 --> 00:55:53,760
He says,

723
00:55:53,760 --> 00:56:01,500
“Without a word, by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior…”

724
00:56:01,500 --> 00:56:05,870
Again, look at this, “Your adornment must not be merely external…”

725
00:56:05,870 --> 00:56:08,410
and the word merely in Greek is not there.

726
00:56:08,420 --> 00:56:15,040
But He’s saying, “Your adornment must not be external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.”

727
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:19,650
You know this comes out of, in a sense, the Proverbs. A woman without discretion,

728
00:56:19,650 --> 00:56:25,840
even the most beautiful woman without discretion, is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.

729
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:28,860
And young guys, listen to me.

730
00:56:28,860 --> 00:56:31,290
Do not…

731
00:56:31,290 --> 00:56:40,140
if you are lead into marriage because of the sensuality of the girl, you will hate yourself

732
00:56:40,140 --> 00:56:42,010
in the end.

733
00:56:42,010 --> 00:56:46,200
You will hate yourself.

734
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,360
But if you’re lead into it by her virtue,

735
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:51,330
her intelligence,

736
00:56:51,620 --> 00:56:53,670
her godliness,

737
00:56:53,670 --> 00:56:58,220
you will find a mate for life. (P)

738
00:56:58,220 --> 00:57:00,530
Now, He says,

739
00:57:00,530 --> 00:57:07,400
“But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit,

740
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:10,150
which is precious in the sight of God.”

741
00:57:10,150 --> 00:57:14,840
Women, I’ve seen women, I mean, act like street fighters.

742
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:23,600
“Come on, you want to fight? Is that all you got?” No. That’s not the way you’re supposed to be.

743
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:27,010
A gentle and a quiet spirit

744
00:57:27,010 --> 00:57:33,310
is the thing that will most disarm your husband.

745
00:57:33,310 --> 00:57:36,600
Now, again, let me say this. I’m talking

746
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:42,050
in regard to just a normal marriage with its normal problems.

747
00:57:42,050 --> 00:57:45,890
I’m not saying that a woman who has a violent husband,

748
00:57:45,890 --> 00:57:53,400
who’s putting her life in jeopardy, ought to just stay there and be a punching bag. Not at all!

749
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,670
And the pastors and elders

750
00:57:55,670 --> 00:58:00,410
should not just stand there and say, “You need to go back to your husband.”

751
00:58:00,410 --> 00:58:03,840
They need to protect this woman. She’s a daughter of God.

752
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,750
They need to treat her as their own daughter.

753
00:58:06,750 --> 00:58:11,130
And those pastors, if they have a sister in the church being abused by her husband,

754
00:58:11,130 --> 00:58:15,070
they need to stand in even if it means they get punched.

755
00:58:15,070 --> 00:58:19,600
That’s what pastors do. That’s what they’re supposed to do anyway.

756
00:58:19,770 --> 00:58:23,180
I just find it amazing how many pastors will send women back

757
00:58:23,180 --> 00:58:25,740
into a horrible, abusive relationship

758
00:58:25,740 --> 00:58:30,260
and tell them to do the will of God and do nothing to protect them.

759
00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:34,560
Jesus never called us to that kind of absurdity.

760
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:40,960
But in a normal relationship, with our normal problems, you know, just getting mad over nothing,

761
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:43,750
like most of us do. (P)

762
00:58:49,300 --> 00:58:53,300
Now, there’s so much to say here, let me say…

763
00:58:53,300 --> 00:59:00,880
it hurts me because this is like 7 days we could be talking just about this woman thing.

764
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:08,570
let’s go to the Song of Solomon. I want to talk to the young ladies, but this applies to everyone.

765
00:59:09,910 --> 00:59:14,470
Men, it would do you well to read the Song of Solomon.

766
00:59:14,470 --> 00:59:20,190
It would do me well because of all of the beautiful things that are said here

767
00:59:20,190 --> 00:59:23,470
that to us seem just too goofy.

768
00:59:23,470 --> 00:59:26,970
But it’s just because as men we’re just so hardened.

769
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:32,160
You know, look at the things that are found in the Song of Solomon.

770
00:59:32,550 --> 00:59:35,510
You know, Song of Solomon 4:1,

771
00:59:35,510 --> 00:59:39,990
“How beautiful you are my darling, how beautiful you are.”

772
00:59:39,990 --> 00:59:45,770
Verse seven, “You are altogether beautiful my darling and there is no blemish in you.”

773
00:59:45,770 --> 00:59:50,840
I mean, all these types of things that are said that I’ve failed to say.

774
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:54,780
Because, again, I think my wife is like me.

775
00:59:54,780 --> 01:00:01,000
Now, I want you to just look at something from the Song of Solomon again.

776
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:06,890
Look at verse nine. “You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride.

777
01:00:06,890 --> 01:00:10,820
You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.”

778
01:00:10,820 --> 01:00:14,920
There was a time when that was true.

779
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:18,700
There was a time, guys, when you acted like peacocks

780
01:00:18,700 --> 01:00:22,520
strutting around just to get your wife to look at you.

781
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:28,930
You saw that she looked at you, and you almost fell over backwards.

782
01:00:28,930 --> 01:00:31,720
It’s just like with the Lord, isn’t it?

783
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:33,460
When we first met the Lord,

784
01:00:33,460 --> 01:00:39,400
and if He showed us anything in His Word, we were so excited we just didn’t know what to do.

785
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:44,010
And now He shows us things we don’t even want to hear.

786
01:00:44,010 --> 01:00:51,200
There’s something terrible about being in a relationship when it turns common.(P)

787
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:55,090
Now, another thing I want you to look at here in verse nine.

788
01:00:55,090 --> 01:00:59,480
He says, “You have made my heart beat faster with a single glace of your eyes,

789
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:02,920
with a single strand of your necklace.”

790
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,870
Now you say, Brother Paul, what does that mean?

791
01:01:05,870 --> 01:01:10,250
Well, first of all, let’s look at it as with Christ and the believer.

792
01:01:10,250 --> 01:01:13,440
He says, “You’re altogether beautiful my darling.” Why?

793
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:17,230
Because He shed His blood for her and cleansed her.

794
01:01:17,230 --> 01:01:24,930
Notice that He did not die for a perfect bride? He died for a soiled one and He made her perfect.

795
01:01:24,930 --> 01:01:28,540
Husbands, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?

796
01:01:28,540 --> 01:01:31,630
It’s a very good thing.

797
01:01:31,630 --> 01:01:36,950
Also, husbands, you think your wife doesn’t love you like she should?

798
01:01:36,950 --> 01:01:40,950
Guess what? It’s your fault.

799
01:01:40,950 --> 01:01:46,360
You say, “Why’s it my fault?” Listen to what the Bible says,

800
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:53,200
“We love Him, because He loved us.”

801
01:01:53,200 --> 01:02:01,750
It’s not that we loved Him, but that He loved us and because He loved us we now love Him.

802
01:02:01,750 --> 01:02:07,830
That’s the relationship between a man and his wife, a husband and a bride.

803
01:02:07,830 --> 01:02:14,250
The church loves Jesus, not… well, the church loves Jesus because Jesus loved her first

804
01:02:14,250 --> 01:02:18,150
and the church was won by that love.

805
01:02:18,150 --> 01:02:21,120
Isn’t that amazing? And He says,

806
01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:26,510
“You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand

807
01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:32,750
of your necklace.” Here’s the problem. She’s a shepherd girl. Shepherd girls don’t have necklaces.

808
01:02:32,750 --> 01:02:34,950
So, look at what’s going on here.

809
01:02:34,950 --> 01:02:40,430
Jesus looks down at His bride and says, “You’re beautiful. The necklace you have is beautiful.

810
01:02:40,430 --> 01:02:44,040
What you’re clothed in is beautiful.” And guess what?

811
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:49,130
Everything she wears and everything she’s clothed in came from Him.

812
01:02:49,130 --> 01:02:52,460
So He gave her her beauty.

813
01:02:52,460 --> 01:02:55,630
Now, in the same way,

814
01:02:55,630 --> 01:03:01,990
we give our wives their beauty.

815
01:03:01,990 --> 01:03:08,870
That’s why He talks about washing your wife in the Word in Ephesians 5;

816
01:03:08,870 --> 01:03:15,640
and that Jesus is washing His bride in the Word in order to present her before Him as spotless.

817
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:19,630
If a husband is not satisfied with his wife, it’s his fault because

818
01:03:19,630 --> 01:03:25,750
it’s his job to wash her in the Word so that she becomes more spotless and more pleasing to him.

819
01:03:25,750 --> 01:03:29,800
It’s just like when you invest in your son and he says basically nothing.

820
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:33,000
I’d say, “Well, what did you expect?”

821
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:39,890
When we invest little in our wives, we shouldn’t demand much from them. (P)

822
01:03:39,890 --> 01:03:44,540
You ever heard the story about the eight-cow wife?

823
01:03:44,540 --> 01:03:46,670
I love this story.

824
01:03:46,670 --> 01:03:50,120
This man in Africa. You know, if you want to get a wife

825
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:55,490
you’ve got to kind of pay for her and you’ve got to give her dad a bunch of cows or chickens, or whatever.

826
01:03:55,490 --> 01:03:58,450
Well, this one man, he had this daughter

827
01:03:58,450 --> 01:04:00,790
and she wasn’t very pretty.

828
01:04:00,790 --> 01:04:06,030
And he’s like, “I’m not even going to get chicken for this daughter of mine.

829
01:04:06,030 --> 01:04:08,240
She’s not pretty at all.”

830
01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:11,510
And one day, this guy shows up

831
01:04:11,510 --> 01:04:14,960
and he goes, “I want to marry your daughter.

832
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:20,940
I want to marry your daughter.” And he goes, “What?”

833
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:26,490
He says, “I want to marry your daughter.” The dad goes, “You’re kidding right?”

834
01:04:26,490 --> 01:04:30,420
“No, I want to marry your daughter.”

835
01:04:30,420 --> 01:04:36,350
He’s like thinking, “I wonder how much I’m going to have to pay this guy so that he’ll marry my daughter?”

836
01:04:36,350 --> 01:04:40,870
And he goes, “Well, what will you give for my daughter?”

837
01:04:40,870 --> 01:04:45,300
And the highest price you could give was eight cows.

838
01:04:45,300 --> 01:04:47,370
That was the highest price.

839
01:04:47,370 --> 01:04:49,780
And so this young guy goes,

840
01:04:49,780 --> 01:04:52,570
“Eight cows.”

841
01:04:52,570 --> 01:04:59,920
The dad goes, “What? Have you seen my daughter? I mean, what do you mean, eight cows?”

842
01:04:59,920 --> 01:05:04,870
He says, “No, I want to pay eight cows for your daughter.”

843
01:05:04,870 --> 01:05:12,440
And so he did and it was the talk of the town, the talk of everybody.

844
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:16,270
I mean, that’s unheard of, an eight-cow wife.

845
01:05:16,270 --> 01:05:17,910
Guess what?

846
01:05:17,910 --> 01:05:26,070
She came to be known throughout all the land as the eight-cow wife.

847
01:05:26,070 --> 01:05:28,040
And guess what?

848
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:33,240
She became also the most respected woman in all the tribes.

849
01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:37,620
Someone valued her and she lived up to that value. (P)